Hailey's Memorial Service

Hailey Elizabeth Leishman

November 20, 2009-November 26, 2009

Memorial Service held November 29, 2009 @ 1:30 pm

I thought that I would put my talk on here that I gave at Hailey's memorial service on Sunday.

I didn't have my sweet baby girl long enough to:

• take pictures of her hands and feet.
• to get her dressed up in a cute outfit with a bow in her hair.
• to hear her babble or coo.
• to see as many of her "firsts" as I would have liked.
• or to watch her grow and develop into the beautiful woman I know she was to become.

But, I had her for six amazing days and in those six days I spent time with the most amazing baby girl. She came out crying the biggest crocodile tears you've ever seen. Even the nurses were amazed. Aaron and I feel very strongly that she knew her mission here on earth would be a short one. Heavenly Father also knew her mission would be short and blessed us with many special and sacred experiences to help prepare us for what was to come. I would like to share something that I wrote in my journal on September 26th of this year.

The main reason I picked up my journal this morning was to write about my feelings about this pregnancy. We are having a baby girl and have decided to name her Hailey Elizabeth. I don't know why but I feel a really strong connection with this sweet spirit within me. Her spirit is so strong and my love for her is stronger than I have felt with my other pregnancies at this point. I always instantly love and bond with my babies when they are born, but I feel like I already know Hailey. The analytical part of me wonders why this baby is different. Is there something physically wrong with her? Will something happen and I won't be able to raise her? Or will she have disabilities? The spiritual side of me wants to think that she is just one of those amazing spirits that shines and glows of strength and sweetness. Either way, she and I already have a strong, beautiful connection and I am grateful for that. I am excited and anxious to hold her in my arms!

I have to note that both of my hunches were correct. I was blessed with a baby who had one of those amazing spirits that did shine and glow of strength and sweetness. She and I had a bond that we shared long before I could actually touch her cheeks or kiss her nose. I will always cherish that.

We have shared with the kids that because her spirit was so beautiful and strong that she didn't have to come to earth like the rest of us to be tried and tested. She only had to come to gain her body and she could go home to our Heavenly Father. With that perspective I am so grateful to my Heavenly Father for allowing her to be a part of our family for six amazing days so that we did have the time to...

• look deep into her eyes and feel of the love she had for us. She looked into every one of our eyes with intensity as if to say, "Please know how much I love you!"
• to fall in love with her beautiful face and features and her "little man" hair - long on the sides and back and practically bald on top.
• to have her grip tightly to each one of our fingers as to give us a hug to let us know she will miss us and love us forever.
• to marvel at the size of her feet - we were sure that she would become a basketball player one day.
• to snuggle with her and feel the softness of her skin against our cheeks.
• to give her lots and lots of kisses - even Eskimo and butterfly kisses.
• to learn that her personality was one of love, sunshine, sweetness and purity.
• and to fall madly and deeply in love with her.

My tears have not been tears of anger or hate. They are tears of missing and heartache for the loss of the things I listed in the beginning that I will not be able to do with my sweet angel on this earth. But, I know without a shadow of a doubt that she and our family will be reunited again some day. It will make the days on this earth seem longer than they use to be, but I am a fighter. I will work hard to live the best life I can live for her and for the two beautiful children that I still have here. I know a few "Angel mom's" and they are some of the strongest, amazing and most spiritual women you will ever meet. It is my turn to become one of those women.

I love my Heavenly Father. I am forever grateful for the time he allowed us to be with Hailey and for all of the sacred moments we shared with her and for the ways that he prepared us for what was to come. Aaron and I were both at peace with the situation when she passed, knowing deep down inside our broken hearts that she was not suppose to stay with us any longer. It was time for her to return home. I know that she is safe and happy there and I look forward to the day that we can wrap our arms around each other and be an eternal family.