Training for this triathlon has been really good for me. It has given me something to focus on and put my energy into. It gave me a personal purpose. I think sometimes as mom's we have a purpose, but it is for everyone else - our kids, our husbands, our homes. This was something just for me and I loved it. It has always been hard for me as a mom to dedicate time just for me. I always think there is something more important I should be doing. I also think that I have had a hard time finding something that I love. I loved playing in band when I was younger. Laugh if you must, but music touches my soul and creating the music is something I have always loved. Now years have passed and I find that I hardly remember the notes. I mostly played the flute and the trumpet, but for six months of my senior year I tried the french horn. It is a beautiful instrument and I would love to play it again some day. I always thought if I got "selfish" enough to take some "me time" I would take lessons -- and I probably will some day, but for now this training has become my new love.
This year has been such a hard one for me emotionally, even physically, at times. It was so hard to go through another c-section in February and again have no baby. Then the excitement of another pregnancy in June, only to lose that baby too. I never realized the lasting effects that miscarriages have on those who experience them. There is a due date tied to those lost babies that never leaves our minds. Even though sometimes the hope and excitement only gets to last for a week or more, us mom's are emotionally tied to those babies for life. There is always a little piece of our heart that is lost with them.
Julia picked this triathlon for us. I fought the fact that the swimming was in the ocean. I much preferred to swim in the pool (and still do). But I think that she was inspired. This is the weekend that I would most likely have been scheduled for my c-section to have the baby we lost in February. It was going to be an emotional time for me, but instead of focusing on my loss I was focusing on my strength. I was pushing my self in a way I'm not sure I ever have before.
I knew the swimming was going to be difficult for me. I have never really swam in my life and because of that I put it off until the beginning of August after the kids started school. Not too smart, I know. Now that the tri is over I know I should have had more practice, but I made it. Julia did awesome and smoked all of us with her swimming time. Me on the other hand, I barely survived the swim --really -- it was the hardest thing I have ever done. My transition times could use some improvement, but for my first time I think they were fine. I was pleased with my bike time. My running time was the best I've ever done. I don't feel I can take full credit for it though because I really felt that Hailey was there carrying me at times. In fact I had a distinct feeling at one point that I had more than Hailey with me. I'm so grateful for those times when I get to feel her close. They don't happen as often as they use to. I always cherish when it does. Because I did so well with my running I was actually able to catch and pass my 'baby' sister. (hope you don't mind me sharing that, Julia :o) As you will see on the video we finished the race together -- which I loved!
So, there were so many pictures from the triathlon that I thought a video would work better. I loved the whole experience and am really excited to try it again! There is one next month on Marco Island, but I discovered it is on a Sunday so I guess I will have to keep looking. Would anyone else like to join me????
Standing as A Witness
7 years ago
