Memorial Day

We had a really nice Memorial Day this year. My brother, his wife and daughter came down for the week. We had a nice get together with the Browne's, Fernandez's and all of our family (except Julia and Sterling). They arrived later. We started at the pool then made our way home for a BBQ with hamburgers, hot dogs, and bratwursts....mmmmmm! Unfortunately we don't have any pictures of the first half of the day. :(


A little later in the day we decided to play a "friendly" game of kickball. It was all of us "adult" kids, spouses and Nathan. I have to be honest - I don't remember the last time I played kickball. I had to be refreshed on the rules.....continuously....throughout the game. So sad!



Here Julia is free to get first base because I am trying to get Jonathan before he makes it to second.

It's hard to see in this picture, but Julia has a very determined look on her face. I think she got me too.

And poor Nathan. You'd think she would give him a little break.....nope. :o) He was out too!

My dad was the camera man here. If only he had gotten a little lower so we could see what was really going on here.

As you can see, Julia was not the only one with determination to pound someone with the ball. Even though we don't have pictures to show it, I think we all had moments where we lost control.

It was a really fun day. We ended our day with a trip to Yogurt Mountain...yum! It was great to be together with everyone - to share stories, laughs and some sibling rivalry........speaking of which, my brother thought it would be a good six months before I got these pictures up here, so being the good sister that I am....I had to prove him wrong! (I'm sure it was a little reverse psychology on his part, so we both win). Love ya Jonathan!!

Strength From Above

I feel like throughout my life I have gone through very short periods where I start to see and use my full potential. Where I have an inner strength beyond my imagination. Before Hailey passed away I probably had those moments a couple of times. I don't know where they came from and many times I tried to get that strength back but couldn't find it. So many times I would try to get that strength back to lose weight. I would get so frustrated when I would give in to my weakness and fall of the wagon.

I still struggle with trying to find that strength, but I feel like since Hailey passed away I see glimpses of it more often. Right after she passed away I prayed all day long to feel her close to me and to feel her strength. In July of last year when I decided to lose weight for the millionth time I really relied on her strength. Anytime I was tempted to eat something I shouldn't I would think about her up there in heaven watching me and I would put whatever it was down. I felt so strong and like I could conquer anything I wanted to.... I saw my full potential. I wish that was something that I could feel all the time. I think since I reached my weight goal I have lost some of that. I think as time has passed I have started trying to rely on my own strength again.

About a month ago, Julia and I decided to train for a sprint triathlon. That is a 1/4 mile swim, 10-12 mile bike and a 5k run. I was so excited and ready to do it and then as time has passed the doubt has started creeping back in. Can I really do this? What were we thinking? Despite that I am still plugging away at the training. I haven't gotten any swimming in, which is probably what I need to work on the most. Up until today I had only biked 5 miles and run 2 back-to-back. This morning as I was trying to figure out what to do I thought I would just try to bike the 10 miles since I hadn't done that yet. As I was getting close to finishing I thought maybe I would go home and hop on the treadmill and see what I could run. The treadmill is cheating though - it is a lot easier than running outside. So I thought, why would I do that when it isn't what I really need to do to train?

I decided I would bike over to the track and at least run a lap (1/4 mile) to get that transition from biking to running. I started running and felt pretty good. I ran a mile. I was getting tired. My legs were hurting and I was starting to get a cramp in my stomach. That is when I started thinking of how not even a year ago I couldn't run for more than a minute or two. I never played sports in high school. And here I just biked 10 miles and ran 1. Then I thought of my baby girl up there smiling down on me. I thought of the strength that she has given me over this last year and a half. I can't believe it has been that long. (She would be allowed to go to nursery at church- crazy!) So I thought of her there with me running and told her I needed her strength again to help me run two more laps to make it 1.5 miles. All of a sudden my cramp was going away and I felt stronger. Maybe it is all in my head. I miss her so much and I would give anything to have her here with me now, but since I can't I am so grateful that I have her watching over me and helping me find that inner strength that I have such a hard time holding on to. Thanks Hailey, mommy loves you!