Ten months ago - today

Ten months ago today Hailey Elizabeth joined us in this world. I can't believe it has already been that long. How could that much time have gone by so fast? It has definitely been the hardest 10 months of my life. I never thought I would survive the loss of a child, yet here I am. Still living, still breathing, still functioning (although not so much at times). Time has eased the pain some. The ache is a little less. There is more time between the waves of grief and the waves don't seem as big.

I was the only one to have a baby at the time. I didn't think much of it then, but now I am grateful that I don't have anyone I know with a baby the same age as Hailey constantly reminding me what she would be like. I saw a little girl at the park today who was had just turned 9 months. My heart ached for a minute, but I was busy with my friends little boy so I didn't dwell on all the details of what I should have right now.

I hope my honesty isn't offensive to the many friends I have who have recently had babies or will have them in the up-coming months (and please don't feel bad, because it is okay).....three months after Hailey died I started finding out that friends were pregnant...with word of each new pregnancy I felt a knife in my heart. It wasn't that I wasn't happy for them, I just wanted my baby and it crushed me to know that now matter what I did or how hard I prayed she wasn't coming back. At first I almost felt betrayed by the Lord. How could he surround me with all these babies when he had taken mine away? I didn't understand. Every month I would learn of another pregnant friend. It was so very hard to deal with.

Now these friends have started having their babies. I will be surrounded by them for at least the next 5 months - brand new babies just like Hailey. My perspective has started to change from feeling betrayed to feeling blessed. Our hygienist is one of these friends. She just had her baby boy last Wednesday. Her mom couldn't come into town and we knew that her husband was going back to work today. I didn't have patients scheduled so a month ago I told her to plan on having me there to help her today. I didn't realize the date when I made these plans. But today, the day that Hailey would have been 10 months old, I was able to hold a six day old baby in my arms and serve a friend. I can't think of a better way to spend September 20th or to honor my sweet baby girl.

I now feel blessed to have all of these babies close by that I can hold and enjoy. Even though that is not how old Hailey would be now, it is how I know her - so new and tiny. Thank you to all of my friends who are willing to share their sweet bundles with me - it really does fill a small hole in my heart.

Vacation Part 4 - Hanging out and Fireworks!

The kids loved playing outside while we were there and I don't know if I have mentioned it yet, but the weather was gorgeous! We had low's in the 50's and high's in the upper 70's - we actually wore jeans and jackets in July - how awesome is that? We totally lucked out, though, because I believe it was the week after we came home that they had record breaking high's in the 100's (and Katie thought she was leaving the heat....snicker, snicker)

I just love the picture above. Aaron and I caught the kids and took this picture through the window. You can't see it, but Nathan has a tree branch in his hand and they were trying to pull it down (I guess). Anyway, they were all lined up pulling as hard as they could. I just noticed, too, that Jenna's feet aren't even on the floor - so cute!

On Saturday the 4th we went to the town fair. The kids played games. We all participated in a "cake plus" walk. Between the eight of us we won a cake, a watermelon and a cantaloupe. Not bad considering there were probably around 100 people participating. Later that evening we watched the fireworks at the park. Their show was really good. I'd have to say it was even better than our local fireworks here.

We had such a fun trip. Thanks so much Smith family for having us up to visit! We love you guys and miss you lots!

Vacation Part 3 - Hershey Park

On Friday Ben had to work, but the rest of us went to Hershey, Pennsylvania to learn about the yummy chocolate that I so love to eat! Lucky for me they like to give out samples too! Yum! Here the kids are sporting their stylish 3-D glasses that we wore during the movie about the creation of Hershey chocolate and the man behind the vision. I learned that during the great depression he built the amusement park so that he would have jobs for his workers - now that's an amazing person and employer!

Isn't Dani just the cutest little thing you've ever seen!

After our 3-D movie we went on a little ride that takes you through the process of making all the different candies made by Hershey. First, of course you start with singing cows and....their lovely behinds. They show all the different mixing stages and molding that the chocolate goes through. It was very interesting. (Best of all was the chocolate we were given at the end!)

Finally the last thing the kids did was to package some Hershey kisses that they would sell in their shops (or I should say that they tried to sell to us). The kids had to have their photo taken for a "worker's ID" and put on some official hats so they could package their chocolate. The kids were a little disappointed that we didn't buy the chocolate that they packaged for $10, but felt better when we told them they could pick out a t-shirt. I wanted the souvenir to last a little longer than that chocolate would have. ;o)

Vacation Part 2 - Amish Country

Look at the beautiful countryside! Everything was so very green, I just loved it. On this day, Aaron, the kids and I went to Lancaster to see the Amish Country. We went to a small Amish village where they had little shops and some places to eat. I ate my first ever amish lunch. Mine was really good - Aaron didn't like his so much.

After we ate lunch we set out to find the Strausburg Railroad. They have records showing that the railroad was opperational as far back as 1851. Around the 1950's, when it wasn't as useful for passengers and freight they opened it to visitors and started restoring old passenger cars like the one below.

It was a relaxing, enjoyable and beautiful ride through the amish country. We saw people with the hoarse and buggies. We saw little amish boys playing in their cute brown pants, white shirts and suspenders. We also saw a man farming with his horses pulling his plow.

Here is Aaron, Nathan and Lexy waiting for our train to leave.

The engines are coal-burning steam engines. We found this day to be very enjoyable. The kids even had an opportunity to ride their own little cars.

I took the picture below mainly for my grandmother. She has stories from when she grew up and she and her cousin would play near the railroad stations and once rode on one of these hand-cars and got in a lot of trouble. So when I saw this I just had to get a picture of the kids on it.