The emotions of having another girl...

I have had so many emotions these last few months. I have wanted to write them down but didn't really want them public yet, so I didn't write them.  I do want to have them in my "journal", though, so I will be posting the emotions and issues I have been dealing with over the next little while.

My first and strongest desire for this baby is for her to be healthy and strong.  I pray that she comes out with an immune system like no other.  Before we knew that it was a girl, however, I had somewhat hoped that it would be a boy.  Many of the women I know that have lost children have the opposite sex when their next baby is born.  I had though that this would make it a little easier emotionally if we had a boy.  We have had a baby girl in our family for the last two years.  I felt it would be hard to have another girl and not get her confused (is that the right word?) with Hailey --if that makes sense.  After we found out this baby is a girl I told Aaron that we would need to figure out a name quickly so that I can start to change my association of my 'baby girl' being tied to Hailey.  I just don't want to be calling this new baby Hailey by accident.  It has already happened a couple of times.  As I mentioned in my last post I don't really have a desire to buy clothes.  For the past two years, though, as I have passed by the baby department I have looked at outfits and wondered how they would look on my sweet Hailey.  A few weeks ago we were passing the baby section in target when I thought 'that would be a cute outfit for.....Hailey', when I was actually thinking about the new baby.  I knew it would happen.

Having a new baby girl is not going to replace my other baby girl.  Unfortunately Hailey will never be anything but a baby girl in our minds, though, so I think it will take a while for the adjustment of 'two' baby girls.  And maybe the issue won't go away until this new baby is not a baby any more.  I just hope that she doesn't grow up being called Hailey all her life.